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If you like jokes, then you've come to the right place

Fun Things to do at the Drive Thru

Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let
your passenger order.

Ask prices of everything on the menu then order
something that you did not ask the price for.

Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee
this. Order with your door open, pay with your door
open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at
night. Put up a fight.

Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood
you are in.

When asked if they can take your order, tell them you
are just window shopping and drive on.

Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

Ask how they fit into that little box.

If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on,
complain that you did not like the way the employee
said "May I take your order?"

When asked if they can take your order say "No, why
can't I take yours?"

If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing
it till they yell at you.

Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance
in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a
line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause
a scene.

When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back
with all the trash from your car in it.

Just stare at them when you pay and get your food.
Don't break your stare.

Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

     70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of
his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said,
"George, everything looks great physically. How are you
doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with
yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
     George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so that when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light
goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when
I'm done."
     "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"
     A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.
"Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's
great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship
with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!
the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes
     George's wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the
refrigerator again!".

A man went skydiving for the first time. After
listening to the instructor for what seemed like
days, he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out
of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulled
the ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again.
Still nothing. He started to panic, but remembered
his back-up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing
happened. He frantically began yanking both cords
to no avail.

Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his
eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this
guy was going up! Just as the other guy passed by,
the skydiver yelled, "Hey, do you know anything
about skydiving?"

The other guy yelled back, "No! Do you know anything
about gas stoves?"

An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of
her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal
Office and asked for a passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerk
said. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United
States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"

The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she
responded, "Well, I guess so, but. . .will I have help,
or will I have to do it all by myself?"

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little
girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then
said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

In a courtroom, a purse snatcher is on trial and the
victim is stating what happened.  She says, "Yes, that
is him.  I saw him clear as day.  I'd remember his face
anywhere."  At which point, the defendant bursts out,
"You couldn't see my face, lady.  I was wearing a mask!"

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp
advertised that they were looking for a good
lumberjack.  The very next day, a skinny little
man showed up at the camp with his axe, and
knocked on the head lumberjacks' door.

The head lumberjack took one look at the little
man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance
to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said
the lumberjack.  "Take your axe and go cut it

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five
minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's
door.  "I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said,
"Where did you get the skill to chop down trees
like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure,
that's what they call it now!"

Living Off of the Insurance

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer
friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer
replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well,
it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance
proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I
had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here
I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you
start the flood?"

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed
to get drunk. The giraffe drinks so much it passes
out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door
to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave
that lyin' there!"

The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

Who's Stupid?

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought
they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

Little Jimmy stood up, alone.

Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"

"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."

One day a man and his wife are playing golf at
their home course. On a certain par four, the
man tees it up and hits a big slice into the woods.
They find his ball directly behind one of the
greenskeeper's buildings where equipment is stored,
so that he can't play toward the green at all.
"Darn!" the man says, "I'll have to play sideways
to get back on the fairway. I'll make five at best."

But his wife, who had been looking things over, said
"Look, this shed has double doors at both ends. If we
open them up, you can hit a low shot right through the
building toward the green." The man congratulated his
wife on her cleverness and they set up for the shot.
But the ball hit the top of the far doorframe and came
whistling back, striking his wife in the temple and
killing her dead on the spot.

A year or so later, the same man was playing the same
par 4 and hit his tee shot in almost exactly the same
spot as before, right behind the building. As he is
cursing his luck and preparing to swing, one of his
playing partners says, "Wait, look we can open these
double doors and..."

"No way," the man says, cutting him off. "I was here
last year and tried that shot and ended up making a six."

What I'll Be When I Grow Up

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going
to be a minister when I grow up.

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made
you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on
Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand
up and yell than to sit still and listen.

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's
journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil!
Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing so the priest repeated his order.

Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil
and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't
think I ought to aggravate anybody."

     A man is sitting down watching TV when there is a knock at the door.  The man opens the door.  There is a snail sitting in front of the door.  It said "Would you like to buy some snail scout cookies". 
     The man looked around to see if anybody was watching and kicked the snail into the bushes. 
     Ten years later the man was sitting down to dinner when there was a knock at the door.  He opened the door only to find the snail again.  This time it said "That wasn't very nice".

     There were three men who were out hunting. The first man brought back a big buck.
''How did you get that?'' they all asked.
''I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot a buck.''
     Then the second man brought back an elephant.
''How did you get that?'' they all asked.
''I saw the tracks, I folowed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot an elephant.''
     Then the third man came back all beat up.
"What happened?" they all asked.
"I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I got hit by a train."

     There were three men. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.
     The one man went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.
     The second man went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.
     The third man went next. They asked him if he had any last words.  He said "I think if you plug the chair in it will work better."

     A man from Atlanta moved to New York.

     As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, "Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00".

     The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain.

     "Well" said the man, "its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story".

     "I'll just take the cat," said the man.

     "Very well, but you will be back," said the salesman.

     The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket.

     As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him.

     The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him.

     "Forget this!" he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned.

     The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat.

     "I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story," said the salesman.

     "Forget the story," said the man. "Have you got a bronze Mets fan?"

     Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

     Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

     They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

     Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

     "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

     Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

     "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

     "Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

     Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

     Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

     Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

College Entrance Exam: For Football Players

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

5. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?

6. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS

7. Spell -- CAT, DOG, PIG

8. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.

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